what to get for rick for xmas...

jacks and hep would totally get bongs for their boyfriends if they had them. that bitch corinne would probably frame a pic of herself. stupid maryanne would do something lame like knit a jock strap.

i don't wanna give me more nudes since i do that all the time! maybe a book? or clothes? or a watch? or that abracadabra thing trevor was talking about? or bake a cake?

WAIT. cake. in the shape of my boobs! now THAT'S an idea!

things are weird with grandma. she keeps saying shit like what scum men are whenever i say i'm going out with rick and sits in the living room watching dr. phil reruns all the time. she didn't even like the necklace i made her in jewelry and it was brown and blue, her favorite!

is she mad at me cuz she heard me tell margie greene that she should pay more attention to grandpa instead of johnny? because i didn't mean to make her sad about johnny if he makes her happy. i just think it's gross that they were being all snuggly while i was at work cuz hello, no one needs to think about old people having sex. it's like that one movie we watched in eighth grade about the black people getting whipped and the chicken guy has sex after not seeing his wife for a billion years and susan and lane and i were all snickering at how disgusting it was because omg, wrinkled manhood.

rick wasn't cheating on me after all! well...with a restaurant and a book but at least it's not another girl! he still likes...maybe even loves...me! yay!

except he keeps talking about some college called dart-moth which isn't in stoneybrook and seems really far away and he's really smart and going to go somewhere awesome but where does that leave me? i might not be very smart but i know i'm not smart enough to get in where he can get in so i just guess i'm wondering what'll happen after school is over. unless dart-moth has a beauty school or something.

rick hasn't called me or anything and it makes me wonder if he misses me at all because despite me trying to go to parties and hook up with all the cute little incoming freshmen i just can't do it anymore, and now they're calling me a prude, which i haven't heard since the summer before 7th grade when i didn't want to give richie snyder a hand job during susan's back to school party!

i wish i hadn't fallen so hard for him, because otherwise it would be so easy to just go back to the way it was because before him i was perfectly fine with my vibrator and without snuggling after sex and not being told i was beautiful! what am i going to do, journal? is there any way to make these feelings go away?

i know i should be happy and joyous for it being kathleen's bday since hello, seventeen is a big deal, but its hard to celebrate your bff's bday when your other bff is missing. jacqui never leaves for this long without telling at least heppers. i keep thinking she'll pop into my room giggling about the wicked time she had at a party in new haven and wondering why everyone is so worried, since hello, jacqui grant does whatever she wants at whenever time she wants.

please come home, jacqui. i don't know what i'd do if you were gone forever.

omg! rick asked me to go on a romantic trip with him after his ap tests are over! TOTES not cheating on me! some people want to be mono - whatever that word is that says people don't need to be more than one person. no more booty calls while he's dating corinne or maryanne this time - he must have always wanted to be with me if he kept coming back, right???

omg i gotta go shopping for this! maybe i'll get some black lingerie this time - red is good for booty calls, but black somehow feels right for a real boyfriend.

so rick's going off to nyc tomorrow to visit columbia and i know he's super smart and probably can get into schools much better than su, but i wonder if he ever thinks about what would happen if he meets someone smarter and prettier - does that mean that he leaves me? i know i'll never be smart enough to even get into su. it's too bad legally blonde is just a movie because even elle woods - who definitely wasn't boring - got into harvard law!

he's been so sad lately, even though the sex has been soooo good lately and i left him nude photos in his binder, which he seemed to like (and he said love in the email! omg!) but i dunno. this is the longest i've been with anyone so what do you when there are problems and stuff?

so me and rick finally had sex, and it was AWESOME except his parents showed up afterwards while i was still chained to his bed post, and then i got stuck there for like four days cuz of the blizzard and it was just lame how mean they are. i might not be smart like mary anne who would probably win at every game of trivial fucking pursuit but at least i care about him! i could be getting bedded every night by freshmen and sophomore boys alike and yet all i've ever wanted was to be with him - i would have never played victim and then jump into the arms of logan or whatever.

he sent me a rose and a valentine-gram and he took me out to dinner at pietros and the dance tonight and i just felt special. i like that squishy feeling i get in my tummy when i see him - almost as much as the feeling of right after an orgasm. jacks might think i'm lame for this - but having a boyfriend is nice.

seriously?! me and rick have been dating since thanksgiving and we still haven't had sex again! he keeps saying that we should talk and get to know each other and come on! i like that he wants to talk to me instead of just get me into bed and then run out after he comes but isn't the point of dating is to get sex on a regular basis without having to worry about the possibility of more stds?! i'm totally pulling out my best bjs and he still doesn't want to?!

ugh, i'm supposed to go over there tomorrow and i need to put together seduction plan 101 of getting rick to cave. must email jacqui and ask for advice...

rick bought me a book for christmas. it was sweet since he thinks i can read it, but omg i'm not mary anne, i don't read smart people books! and i was stupid and bought him a sex toy!!! jacqui said it was a failsafe too!

this is SO embarrassing. i'm going to go eat more of the funfetti cookies that grandma made this morning and hope that he doesn't think that i'm an idiot for buying him a sex toy.

omg rick asked me out!!!

must figure out what to wear. maybe grandma can take me to the mall since i need to pick up some more amber romance body spray at victoria secret! and maybe some new red panties...

i cannot wait!!! take that, corinne! rick wants me! and you have carlos, who is totally can't last in bed for more than three minutes. sucker!!!

this is SUCH CRAP that i don't have a date to homecoming this year. at least last year i might have gone stag and gotten high with jacqui and the badd boys beforehand but rick totally was making out with me while stupid mary anne was waiting for him to go get his cell phone from the car. but he's totally into corinne more than mary anne since she has fantastic boobs and she's a cheerleader and has bouncy hair and it's just so ugh!!!

when will rick figure out i'm capable of being with him? he's the only guy i actually want to snuggle up with after sex and that tells you a LOT. and its total loser like to go to a dance with a freshmen cuz hello, i'm a hot junior and deserve to go with at least another hot junior.

life is SO UNFAIR!!!

strength and agility class is so fun! i'm so much more flexible in bed than i used to be, and all those kegel muscle exercises are really helping. i had the BEST orgasm the other day, omgggggg.

now if only those stupid gold shitting island people weren't found, then maybe people wouldn't have to deal with st. mary anne telling everyone with an ear what happened with rick. ugh. i hate that bitch, she thinks she's so special because rick cheated on her and didn't even think about what he did to me. it's not like she cared about him much, ten seconds later she was sucking face with logan. gag me. and they call me a slut? she just jumps beds while keeping her clothes on, whats the difference?

oooh! sex and the city is on. oh samantha, why can't everyone be as understanding as you about being a modern girl?